A family guide
How to Talk to a Relative Who Is Still Using, Without It Turning Into a Fight
Save this for the night you need it. You cannot make someone ready. You can make sure the door is open when they are.
Pick a sober, private moment. Say what you see. Say what you are afraid of. Offer what you will do. Skip the debate. And have a phone number ready before you start, because a small yes needs an answer right then.
We answer your call 24 hours a day.
Every time you bring it up, it turns into a fight.
You love them. You are scared. And every attempt to talk ends in slammed doors and silence. Your relative deserves a conversation they can hear, and you deserve to say your piece without losing them.
You Are Not Walking This Alone
Families have tried every version of this conversation. These six steps come from what works.
- Native owned and operated, with ceremony and counseling in one place
- Licensed by the Arizona Department of Health Services (OTC20145)
- AHCCCS accepted. Confirmed IHS PRC provider for the Nashville Area
- Ceremony and clinical care in one program, in Prescott, Arizona
How Do I Start the Conversation?
Go in this order. Each one makes the next one easier.
- Pick the momentSober, alone, and calm. Morning is usually best. Skip it if they are drunk, hungover, in front of the kids, or in the middle of a fight about something else.
- Say what you seeLabels start a war. Observations land.
"I saw you shaking this morning."
Leave out words like "addict." - Say what you are afraid ofFear is harder to argue with than anger.
"I am scared I am going to get a phone call one night."
- Say what you will doCommands get resistance. Offers get considered.
"I will drive you. I will sit with you while you call. I will call your PRC office with you."
- Skip the debateThe addiction has had years of practice and will win every argument. Speak to the person underneath it. If it turns into a debate, stop, and try again another day.
- Know the next call before you startIf they say yes, even a small yes, you need a number ready right then. Thundermaker: (928) 531-1930. We answer your call 24 hours a day.
How Do I Connect With My Relative?
- "I love you, and I see what this is doing to you."
- "You do not have to have it figured out. You just have to make one call."
- "There is a place run by our own people. Sweat lodge, drum, a garden. It is not a hospital."
- "If AHCCCS or your PRC office pays, money is off the table. Let me find out."
What If They Say No?
A no tonight is a seed. Keep the door open, keep your boundaries, and keep showing up. Read how to help a loved one in addiction and boundaries are love for what to do in the meantime.
When they are ready, Thundermaker offers Native owned treatment in Prescott, Arizona: sweat lodge, drum, food sovereignty, and clinical care, side by side. AHCCCS is accepted, and IHS PRC may pay for enrolled members in the Nashville Area.
If your relative is in immediate danger, call 911. This guide is for conversations. Emergencies need emergency help.
What Are My Next Steps?
Simple on purpose. We carry most of the middle one.
- Call (928) 531-1930Any hour. You, a family member, a case manager, or a probation officer can make the call.
- We sort out coverageAHCCCS, IHS PRC, tribal funding, or private pay. Admissions handles the paperwork with you and gives you a start date.
- Start with your peopleYour first day: assessment, a meal at the table, and a plan you help write. See what the first days look like.
If nothing changes
Each conversation that blows up makes the next one harder, and the window when they might say yes can close fast.
What it can look like instead
One calm conversation. Your relative heard instead of attacked. And if a small yes comes, a number in your hand ready to call.
Questions People Ask
How do you talk to someone about their drinking without a fight?
Choose a sober, private moment. Describe what you have seen instead of using labels, say what you are afraid of, offer concrete help, avoid debating, and have a treatment phone number ready in case they say yes.
What should I not say to someone with addiction?
Avoid labels like addict, threats you will not keep, and arguing while they are drunk or high. Those usually end the conversation.
What if they get angry?
Stop. Say you love them and will try again another day. Anger tonight does not mean the conversation failed.
Who can I call if they say yes?
We answer your call at (928) 531-1930 24 hours a day and can tell you right away how AHCCCS or IHS PRC may pay.
Have This Number Ready
If they say yes, call right then. We answer your call 24 hours a day.