A guide for families and relatives
I Have a Loved One in Addiction. How Can I Help?
You are not the first relative to ask this, and you will not be the last. Our people have carried each other through worse. This is what we have learned from our elders and from the families who have sat at our table.
Keep them in the circle. Feed them, and do not fund the addiction. Learn how treatment gets paid for before they are ready. Tell the truth with love, once, and keep showing up. And take care of yourself, because the family that stays well is where they come home to.
We answer your call 24 hours a day.
You love someone who is drinking or using, and you do not know what to do.
You have tried pleading, yelling, covering for them, and staying quiet. Nothing has worked, and you are exhausted and scared. Families deserve a way to help that keeps their relative in the circle and keeps themselves whole.
You Are Not Walking This Alone
We sit with mothers, sisters, and uncles at the kitchen table every week. We know how long the nights get.
- Native owned and operated, with ceremony and counseling in one place
- Licensed by the Arizona Department of Health Services (OTC20145)
- AHCCCS accepted. Confirmed IHS PRC provider for the Nashville Area
- Ceremony and clinical care in one program, in Prescott, Arizona
First, Remember Who They Are
Addiction did not come to our people by accident, and it did not come alone. It came with boarding schools, with land taken, with ceremonies outlawed, with grief that never got a funeral. Your relative is carrying something that was handed down, and they picked up the wrong medicine to carry it with.
That does not excuse what addiction makes people do. It does change how you fight it. You are fighting for your relative, against something older than both of you.
What Are the Four Directions of Helping?
Many of our nations teach that a person is whole in four parts. Addiction breaks all four. So does the help.
East, Spirit: keep them in the circle
Shame is the fuel and shunning feeds it. Keep inviting them to ceremony, to the feast, to the gathering, even when they do not come. Say their name in your prayers out loud where they can hear it. Ask an elder or spiritual leader to sit with them. Some people can hear an elder when they cannot hear a parent.
South, Body: feed them, do not fund them
Bring a plate. Sit with them while they eat. Food is medicine and a reason to be in the same room. Keep money, the car, and the excuse out of reach, because money feeds the addiction. Say: "I will always feed you. I will not pay for this."
West, Mind: learn the road before they walk it
Most of our families do not know treatment may already be paid for. If your relative is on AHCCCS in Arizona, it pays. If they are enrolled in a tribe in the IHS Nashville Area, their PRC office may pay. Find out now, quietly, so when they say yes you have a number ready.
North, Heart: tell the truth with love
Our people are direct. Use it. "I see what is happening. I am scared. I am not going anywhere, and I will not pretend." Say it once, calmly, without a speech. Then keep showing up. The person under the addiction hears more than they let on.
What Helps?
- Say "my son," "my sister," "my nephew." What we call people, they become.
- Bring them to the land. A drive, a walk, a fire. Land is a witness.
- Ask the family to pick one voice. When six relatives say six things, the addiction picks the softest one.
- Smudge your own house. Pray for them where they can hear it. Keep their picture where you can see it.
- Keep the door open with a boundary on it: "You can come to dinner. You cannot come high."
- Tell them about a place that knows our ways: sweat lodge, drum, a garden, and people who treat them as a relative.
What Does Not Help?
- Shaming them in front of family. It sends them to the only people who will not shame them, and those people are using.
- Threats you will not keep. Every empty threat teaches them that nothing you say is real.
- Rescuing every consequence. Bail, rent, the lie to the boss. Each rescue buys the addiction one more month.
- Arguing while they are high. Wait for morning.
- Carrying it alone. Our people were never meant to carry heavy things alone.
- Giving up because it has been years. People come home after a long road all the time.
How Do I Take Care of Myself?
You are a relative who is hurting too. Find your own circle: an elder, a talking circle, a Wellbriety family group, or a family support group in your community. Eat. Sleep. Go to ceremony for yourself as well as for them. A family that stays well gives the person somewhere to come home to.
When you are ready for the conversation, read how to talk to a relative who is still using.
What Do I Do When They Say Yes?
Have this ready before the moment comes.
- Know how it gets paidOn AHCCCS? Skip to step 2. Enrolled in a tribe with IHS? Call their service unit's PRC office and request Thundermaker Wellness Center by name.
- Call (928) 531-1930We answer your call 24 hours a day. We check AHCCCS coverage and work the PRC authorization with the office, so you are not chasing paperwork.
- Get them through the doorDrive them. Sit with them until they are inside. Then let us carry it from there.
If your relative is in immediate danger or has overdosed, call 911 first. Naloxone (Narcan) is free at many tribal health clinics and pharmacies. Keep it in the house.
If nothing changes
When families burn out or cut ties, the person loses the one circle that could bring them home.
What it can look like instead
A family that speaks with one voice, a relative who knows the door is open, and a phone number ready the moment they say yes.
Questions People Ask
How can I help a family member with addiction?
Keep them connected to family and ceremony, feed them without funding the addiction, learn how treatment can be paid for before they are ready, tell them the truth calmly and once, set boundaries you will keep, and get support for yourself.
Should I give money to a relative who is using?
Feeding them, giving rides to appointments, and sitting with them all help. Cash tends to go to the addiction. Many families say: I will always feed you. I will not pay for this.
How do I get a Native relative into treatment that respects our culture?
Look for a program where ceremony and clinical care happen together and where Native culture leads. Thundermaker Wellness Center in Prescott, Arizona, is Native owned and operated, with sweat lodge, drum, garden, and counseling in one program. Call (928) 531-1930.
Who pays for treatment for a Native relative?
AHCCCS pays for Arizona members. IHS Purchased/Referred Care may pay for enrolled tribal members when their service unit authorizes care first. Some tribes also fund treatment directly.
What if my relative overdoses?
Call 911 first. Give naloxone (Narcan) if you have it. Naloxone is free at many tribal health clinics and pharmacies.
You Do Not Have to Carry This Alone
Call any hour, for yourself or for them. We talk with families every day.